The gallery above contains my zine project regarding queer identity and dissociation. At the beginning of this project I was indecisive about going through with this idea since not only can it be very nuanced but it is a topic very personal to my own experiences and struggles with finding my identity. I then got the idea to relate it back to how outside influence causes that dissociation through terms of religion and cis-heteronormativity. The internalization of these ideals at a young age heavily affected how I would present myself through different stages of my life, so much so that I seemed to try to fit the role of serval different people as I tried to find some way I could be accepted as queer while also dealing with that internalized homophobia and transphobia. In each illustration, every stage of myself is connected and show the progression of how others perceived me over the years but are also their own characters, representing their own unique struggle. Throughout, there is a "watcher" who makes it harder for the stages to accept themselves due to the constant judgement, demonization and control they have over them. Once the Fifth stage manages to leave home, they finally give themselves the chance to really question themselves about if they really fit into the labels the others tried previously or if they also forced themselves into boxes that didn't fit them, just to make their queerness more palatable to others. Once this is done, it finally leas up to the recent and present changes where I am allowing myself to be honest and try to comfort, and be the person my youngest self wishes they had to guide and support them. The embrace ending as one for the self as all of those past stages are still something I feel are with me and I've forgiven them for what they did. I accept all of them despite their flaws and the pain that came with them because they also deserved a chance to heal from all that trauma. As personal as that is to me, I think the best thing about this is that with the minimal wordings present and the reliance on showing and symbolism, rather than fully spelling it out, can still help others connect to the narrative as it can be applied to any kind of queer experience struggles, and show how hard it can be to become you own person.
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